5ive or Fewer

It was a year or two ago; I’d just taken my Yaris for its 10,000-mile check-up in P’oro near my then home. They told me it would take an hour or two – they’d give me a call. So, I went to a store across the road with a cafe to have a drink, a bacon cob, and a look round. It was like a shed with a maze of racks, full of stuff to buy.

From the way they look and speak, I think that many of those who work and shop here may come from other lands like India, Iran, Iraq and even Essex (the ones in white high heels, maybe?). I think that’s a good thing – not the white heels, so we learn from each other; I’m CofE but Shia and share alike, I say. I hope they stay; the ones that work at my local car wash are very good. I tip them so they can send some money home, so their mums and dads can come and stay.

Have you been to a Range? They can’t decide what to sell, so they have loads and loads of stuff from all over. I’d call it ‘Home on the Range’ if you ask me. You can even buy cover for your pet if (or when) they get sick. Food, from the first meal of the day to those ready meals to heat and eat when you get home, too tired or lazy to cook from fresh. I got a pie – for one! I know that seems sad, but it saves on fuel at 180° (Fan) for 10 mins; over a year, that’s a huge bonus, I will put some veg with it – peas, etc. I like to make sure of my five a day. If I think I’m short, I have an extra slice of lime in my G&T.

When I have a guest, I might go mad and buy an M&S Meal for two at £12 a pop (times 2 or more if it’s a party) or, if it’s my b’day, I'll ‘push the boat out’ and dine out at a local inn, noted for its good value. Fish & chips and a pint only £7.62 (2 – 5 pm, Mon – Fri). It opens at 8 a.m. I used to call in and have a cuppa or two (free top-up) after my early walk in the park.

I never- well, it’s rare for me to go to a wine bar, even the one near where I lived. Not that I don’t like wine; it’s just that at the price you pay – over £6 (at least) for 125 ml- I can get 3 pints of beer. And that seems odd: beer by the pint or half, wine in 125 ml, 250 ml, etc. It must be a glass thing, don’t you know? I’m not keen on these new units; I only did LSD as a child. To tell the truth, I don’t care for some of the types that go to wine bars these days. Most are DFLs, unlike in the old days when you could meet and marry a girl born here. I’m from Kent but moved up here 45 years ago, well, not to this place – thank god! So I pass as a local – when it suits me, that is.

Could one shop at the Range and forgo any other? From crib to grave, as it were? The basic items for the first home are here, from a wine glass to a TV… hold it—no TVs! Some items are not in Range after all.

After about two hours, I got a call; my motor was ready. No probs, it’s a cinch!

That is it for now.

Rob